She was furious, confused and happy all at the same time. All emotions were rushing through her. She knew she didn’t want to do this but she couldn’t stop herself. There were a lot of questions in her head- answered as well as unanswered. She was questioning the answers and turning indifferent to the questions without any answers. May be this time she was okay not to have any answer. She was okay to be in that confused state. She was okay to question why blue is blue and not orange or cat for that matter.
Things inside her were all tangled and twisted.
‘I feel like a small intestine right now.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘You remember, how a small intestine of 6 meter is fitted into that structure surrounded by long intestine of 1.5 meter. I feel like that. Somehow fitted- twisted and tangled but functioning.’
Impressed she was with herself drawing this analogy. No doubt, hundreds of thoughts were crossing her brain. She felt as if she was standing in a closed room and bullets were fired from guns placed at various corners. These bullets were not killing her but each other. Each bullet was a representation of a thought and every thought was either her reality or fantasy. Sometimes reality overpowered fantasy bringing it down and other times fantasy played the role of reality bringing it up. Soon for her, the line of distinction became dizzy and it overlapped. She was left with no other option but choosing the moment itself. And with a deep breathe in, she chose now. Period.
Difficult choice it was but she wanted to try with that small intestine and bullet.